Nevertheless
by MrChuck
Summary: CB-centered story. Set after Blair finishes Columbia. Something horrible happens to Blair - Will Chairs relationship survive? Warning: Includes serious adult content!   Rated R/M
1. Chapter 1: The Call

This is actually my first published fanfic. Reason therfore is, that I am not an English native and preferred reading instead of writing fanfics. :)

* * *

The phone call was over. Blair leaned back against the pool table in Chuck's apartment, her Blackberry in both hands. She was silent. The world was silent. At that moment she neither heard the ringing of the elevator nor her own breath. She was trapped in her mind - in a thought spiral, playing through all possible scenarios, but always tending towards the same end result.

"Hey Babe, " Chuck said softly.

PLOP. With a bang she was turned from her thoughts. "Hi," she replied, still somewhat absent, "How was your day?"

"Business as usual", he responded with a smile. Blair knew what that meant. A lot of meetings, dealing with customers and the Bass Industries Board. He was still wearing the same clothes as at breakfast, as their ways separated. But actually he had changed his shirt. Perhaps he has spilled sauce from lunch over himself or his new assistant Emma showered him with coffee as she did yesterday.

Emma! A personal assistant for Chuck had been her idea. The quality time they shared together was limited in the last couple of months. She thought an assistant could disburden him. In fact, Emma showed effect. Chuck got home earlier than 7 more often, the weekend work time has been reduced, and he seemed generally more relaxed.

The only problem was Emma. But what was she thinking? Chuck choosing an assistant with elephant legs, pimply face and clothing size XXL? Emma had long legs, a delicate face and her breasts were running for themselves. But, and that Blair had to admit to herself, unfortunately even at Emma's personality was nothing to criticize. She was not an IT girl like Serena or a queen like her - but she offered an appealing combination of sufficient self-confidence and a good amount of brain. Even Nate had already an eye on her!

"Where your thoughts, Hon?" Chuck said a little puzzled.

"Oh, nowhere!" she replied quickly, "Let's grab some food, I need to get out!"

He was a little surprised by the fast change of the situation, but he was hungry and why should he question a happy looking Blair?

* * *

"_D - Need to talk to you ASAP!"_

Dan read the text message he just received a couple of seconds ago. It was from Blair. He smiled. He and Blair had fought and hated each other's. But on some crazy point they stopped fighting and started liking each other. Since then they respect each other, the listen to each other, they need each other. They are friends. Very good friends.

Sure there is also Serena for Blair - But he is different. Blair and Dan are very similar. They are both achievers, they are both intellectual and share common interests, like books and movies.

_"Always at your service - CharliePs for lunch? Now?"_


	2. Chapter 2: Why Us?

**CHAPTER 2 – Why us?**

He knew, that she had been crying. The corners of her eyes were still a little reddish and her face was like a mask. Dan hugged her dearly. They sat down and opened the menu. He waited patiently until Blair was willing to talk to him. He knew in a situation like this it won't help put Blair under pressure.

"It's him...", she stated shortly.

"Uhm, Blair what you..." - his words faded and he suddenly knew, but nevertheless finished his sentence - "...talking about."

She could hardly hold back the tears. He took both her hands and squeezed them. He wanted to comfort her but didn't knew how. And then it sprudeleted out of her as from a geyser.

"I am just so terrified. And devastated. You know this was a big decision for us, especially for Chuck. And now? At first I though it's just bad luck or something like that. Then I though it's because of me, because of my bulimia. But because of Chuck? The great womanizer and Playboy Chuck Bass? How can that be?"

"Why us? Dan, tell me, why has it to be us?"

"Blair, Blair, come done. Nothing is final!"

"In this case it is!", she shrieked.

"Is it?", Dan asked.

"I..I..had him tested", she admitted.

"WHAT?", he yelled at her. At that moment he realized that he might responded a little bit too loud at her statement. He quickly added: "Sorry, Sorry! How? How did you do it? I mean... Does he know?"

"No. He doesn't even know that I had tested myself. He still thinks its bad coincidence."

"Yeah, you already told me that..."

"..and about the HOW... I'll spare you the details. Let's just say sperm doesn't always lands somewhere, where it cannot be gathered.", Blair added.

"Well, thanks to this one, Blair", he smirked and asked another question: "So.. What did the doctor say?"

She was silent again. When she tried to start talking her voice left her. After some minutes she said: "Mr. Robertson said, there is only a very little chance, that Chuck can ever father a child."


	3. Chapter 3: 911

WOW - Thanks for the reviews (really important to all authors!) and the tons of story alerts! Thanks!

Last warning: This is really M-rated. But please tell me if you think its to "harsh" or not.

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**CHAPTER 3 – 9/11**

Although it was windy, she didn't took a taxi home. She went by foot to have time for thinking. After all the shit she and Chuck had been through - Marcus, the death of Bart Bass, Jack, Eva, the potential selling of Bass Industries, Raina - they finally found their way to each other - And sharing it now for nearly 3 years. A little smile escaped Blair. Chuck loved her and she loved Chuck. With him she knew she had found true love. She herself was 25 and on the career leader at the direct route to the chief editor chair of the fashion magazine W's. At her last birthday Chuck had surprised her with a formal announcement. He had wanted her to move in with him. At first she didn't knew how the react. Yeah, their relationship was wonderful - But that could have also resulted from their distance between them. She was twisted. Chuck had expected a similar reaction from her and just had placed understandingly a kiss on her cheek and said: "I'm on a couple of drinks with Nate. I'll call you tomorrow."

Today she can't understand why she hadn't moved in immediately with him. The closeness when going to bed at night, the feeling to come home to someone after a long day at work - There is nothing that can substitute that.

And then they had THE talk. Blair just felt like it was the right time to create something that connects her and Chuck ultimately. She felt ready for being a mum. She had never thought that she could speak with an ease to Chuck about getting a child. But it wasn't a problem - It just felt so right.

At first Chuck was surprised - Very surprised. But after some thinking time - and to her surprise - he warmed to the idea and wanted an heir even more than Blair. They didn't want to force it. The only thing they did, or Blair did, was stopping to take the pill.

That was now 11 months ago. And nothing had happened. In February she had had tested herself on infertility, but there was no medical problem detected. She hadn't told Chuck, because she thought there is no reason to bother him. After some weeks she thought it also might be a good idea to have him tested. She didn't knew how to let that happen. Ask him if it was okay for him to test his manhood was not an option.

After one of their lovemaking - Blair was shackled with her hands to the bed end and Chuck ejaculated on her stomach - she collected his sperm, and brought it to Dr. Robertson. He had called yesterday. She could still hear his voice echo in her head: "I am sorry Ms. Waldorf but your boyfriend is not likely to ever father a child. In fact the chance is very very little".

A sob escaped her and she couldn't suppress the silent tears that were running down her cheeks. Why had it to be them? Everything was so perfect.

It was getting dark and she stilled had some blocks to Chuck's, well now their, penthouse. When she had moved in she tried not to change too much. She didn't wanted to restrict Chuck's freedom.

Suddenly an arm reached around her waist and pulled her aside. She was confused and did not realize what was happening to her. She was dragged deeper into a narrow side street. Their limbs tottered senselessly from her body. The attacker stopped in front of a rotting wooden door and opened it with his free left hand. He pushed her into the interior of the building. It was dark, dusty and smelled of urine. She could barely see anything, because the windows were boarded up with wooden planks.

The only thing she could see was the face of her attacker. He was in his late 30ies at had shaggy hair that hung down over his eyes. The thick black eyebrows grew over his brown eyes. His face was small, round and covered with moles. His front teeth overlapped and had a yellowish cast. He smelled of alcohol.

Suddenly she was terrified. What the hell was going on? What was this ugly guy doing with her? A sharp cry escaped her. Nearly instantly a hand was on her mouth.

"Shhh Bitch - We don't want that anybody hears you!", the attacker said invidiously.

From this point on Blair began to fight seriously against the attacker. She squirmed, beat him with his hands and feets and tried to bite him. But he was too strong, his grip too firm.

The attacker ripped the blouse off of her and started to kiss her body in a loathsome way. Blair felt the wet tracks, which he left on her. She tried to fight back, she stepped with her heel on his toes. He drew away shortly from her, but only then with a vengeance to overthrow her. With a horrified face she had to witness how the attacker took his pants off, while continuing to kiss her everywhere.

His cock was hard and she could smell the stench emanated from it. Blair wanted to scream, but one hand was still pressing firmly on her mouth. She felt the man's hands under her skirt and to her horror two fingers which penetrated her. She was disgusted.

The attacker got up and pressed his cock into her face.

"Suck it Bitch!" he commanded, "And do nothing stupid!"

With these words he drew a knife from his breast pocket and held it to her neck. When she didn't followed his orders, he reached out and her cut into forearm. Blood oozing out, and ran over her body.

"Suck it Bitch!", she Heard again.

Mechanically she began to pull his penis in her mouth and out again. Where the hell was Chuck? Why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he saving her?

Every crush of his dick hurt like hell. She hasn't been wet and with every second she lost a bit of her dignity. She closed her eyes and let the procedure endure.


	4. Chapter 4: Supressor

**CHAPTER 4 -Supressor**

It was 2PM when, she woke up in the hospital. The room was spinning around her. She felt that incredibly pain between her legs and with that the memories where coming back.

"Chuck!", she shouted. "Where is Chuck?"

"Dear, Calm down. You are safe now. You are in hospital"

"Chuck, Where is Chuck?"

"Just calm down. Who is Chuck?"

"Chuck, where are you?"

"What is your name, Ms?"

"Blair"

"Okay, Blair. So tell me about Chuck."

"He is Chuck Bass… Where is he?"

Blair started to cry. Heavy tears where falling down here checks, sobs overtook her body. She was completely out of mind.

"Bair, listen to me. I'll call Chuck. He'll be here soon.", the nurse cajoled. Blair wasn't responding. She just continued to call out for Chuck. She was in a shock.

The nurse left the room and told the nurse assistant to find a way to contact Chuck Bass.

* * *

It was 3PM when Chuck's phone rang. The number was not displayed. He was in the middle of a meeting with an important customer. He suppressed the call.

* * *

It was 4PM when Lilian Bass Humprey's phone rang. The number was not displayed.

"Hello, who is it?"

"This is the New York Presbyterian Hospital. Is this Mrs. Bass?"

"Yes that's me – Did anything happen?"

"Mrs. Bass, we are looking for Mr. Chuck Bass. Do you have any possibility to contact him?"

"Sure, but tell me what is this about?"

"We have a patient with no documents. She is a shock and just talking for Mr. Chuck Bass. Her name is Blair"

The caller from the hospital and Lily agreed, that she will pick up Chuck and bring him to the hospital.

* * *

It was 4:30PM when Lily knocked on the heavy wooden doors. She opened them without waiting for a response.

"Lily", Chuck greeted warmly but surprised. Even Lily always supported him and was part of the company she would never interrupted him during an important meeting, "I am in an important meeting!"

Lily walked over him. She wanted be near him to calm him down. She didn't know what his reaction would be.

"Charles I know, and if it wouldn't be important I would never even consider interrupting you"

Chuck got worry wrinkles on his forehead.

"I got a call from the Presbyterian Hospital. Something happened to Blair…"

His alarm bells went on. Something happened with Blair? Why wasn't he called? Suddenly he saw daylight: The unknown number calling him! They have tried to reach him nearly two hours ago!

Chuck was terrified. Hospitals are always bad. The taxi drive from his office to the hospital seemed for him like an eternity. Lily was sitting the whole time next to him while holding his forearm. He was relieved that she was here, he couldn't stop thinking what all could possible happened to Blair.

He stormed into the hospital and shouted at the guy at the information desk: "WHERE IS SHE?"

"Please Mr. just calm down. Who are you talking about?"

Lily pushed Chuck aside, and talked to the man at the information desk. He couldn't bear it any longer. He needed to see Blair. If anything happened to her…


	5. Chapter 5: Like with Bart

**CHAPTER 5 -Like with Bart  
**

Lily and Chuck entered the Bloomberg-Wing of the hospital. They had to master a marathon through medical lockers, nervous patients, trolleys overflowing with used scrubs, grumpy patients and lunch food carts.

At the end of a narrow corridor a woman, conservatively dressed with a business-like air, waited in front of a hospital-yellowish door. She turned around at the sound of their footsteps. "Mr. Bass?"

Lily held Chuck by his hand like a little boy and nodded.

"I am Detective Mulholland. Mr. Bass, in Ms. Waldorf's documents you are mentioned as next of kin. May I ask you how your relationship with her is defined?"

"Girlfriend.", Chuck answered monosyllabically, "Can I know please see her?". Chuck wanted to pass by Detective Mulholland. He had the urge to see Blair. He didn't want to think about the possibilities that could have happened to Blair and why a Detective was in front of her hospital room, guarding it like a sheepdog. Denial was the top strategy of the minute.

"Mr. Bass, please wait…", the Detective begged. She had done this unfortunately many, many times before. She knew the young man needed to know what happened to his girlfriend before entering the hospital room of his loved one.

"Your girlfriend was sexually assaulted today around noon."

The time seemed to stand still – At least for Chuck. He sank down to the floor, his back hitting the wall behind him. Before his hands folded together over his knees, one of his fists hit the floor severly. _**Sexually assaulted**_. The words beat in his mind over and over again. Lily kneeled down next to him and put her hands on his shoulders. "Chuck, you need to be strong now. I know it's hard, but Blair needs you now more than ever before."

Chuck collected all of his strength and got up. Before knocking at the door, he took a deep breath.

"Come in", an all too familiar voice said squeaky.

Chuck opened the door, still standing inside the door frame when he finally saw her. He thought his world had already collapsed when Detective Mulholland told him about the assault. But the feeling the sight of her in that hospital bed gave him, was even more devastating for him. In the middle of the scraggy hospital room was sitting Blair nearly upright in the bed. Neither was she wearing any make-up, nor were her hairs in any acceptable condition. The left side of her face had an unnatural purple shade. The hollow gaze from her eyes fitted perfectly in the cheerless atmosphere the hospital room dispersed.

"Blair…", Chuck whispered hoarsely. He slowly creeped to her bed and sat down in the chair next to her. He wanted to wrap her tightly in his arms her, hold her hand, never let her go again, touch her – But he didn't know how she would react. Therefore he simply said: "Everything will be fine."

"Chuck"

She reached out and he turned his hands palm up to accept hers and gripped them hard. "I'm here," he added.


	6. Chapter 6: Painful Anxiety

_Hi everybody!_

_If you are yourself a write and you have kind of a blockade here is a tip: Take a huge piece of paper and try to cut your story in different stages (like the story is evolving). Think about your story. What should be the content? What little scences should be in it? Try to order your thoughts and allocate them to the different stages of your story. Maybe this helps!_

_I know this chapter is kind of small. The next one is already finished. I needed this chapter before continue with the next one, because a "new stage" of this story starts with the next chapter._

_Thanks especially to TriGemini ande ellibellss for their constant and useful reviews!_

_MrChuck_

_

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**CHAPTER 6 - Painful Anxiety  
**

"Have you had consensual intercourse within the past forty-eight hours?" the Detective Mulholland asked.

This was the first question Blair was asked when she gave her statement in the evening. Chuck was sitting next to her in the window-less room. His left hand was a captive of her titan grip.

"Yes..", she whimpered. "This morning and the day before yesterday."

She was talking about their sacred act of love-making like about a mechanical business transaction. It horrified him. He could have never imagined anything that could bruise their holy act of making love. Indeed in their relationship sex was very frequently happening, but nevertheless not less special. Now their act was degraded into a vile task of brutality and violence.

"With Mr. Bass?"

"Yes.", she affirmed the detective's assumption.

"In that case," Detective Mulholland said quickly, "We'll need you to give a blood sample to our lab, Mr. Bass. For exclusionary purposes of course."

Chuck just nodded. He barely listened to the other questions. Some were about the attacker, some about the incident, some others of medical nature. However, since the question regarding their love-making his mind was paralyzed.

* * *

He watched her sleeping. His eyes scanned her body: Her little snub nose, her ravaged face, her slowly lifting and again lowering chest. She was slumbering completely innocent in the bed, as if nothing had ever happened. But Chuck was in no doubt, that nothing will ever be the same again. He was afraid of what was coming next. The first time he was together with Blair, he was in a painful anxiety about the future.

Serena had called him while Blair was sleeping. Obviously Lily had informed her daughter about Blair's attack. He asked her to come by tomorrow, as he didn't want to overstrain Blair with too much visitors. At first Serena and also Dan were protesting against Chuck's decision, but after he pleaded them again, they could hear the fear in his voice.

He tried to follow her into the world of dreams, but a part of was afraid, that then he would be unable to protect her. He wanted to stay awake in order to offer her the sense of security she deserved.


	7. Chapter 7: Acute

**CHAPTER 7 - Acute**

_Controlled: The survivor appears to be without emotion and acts as if "nothing happened" and "everything is fine". _

…

Two days later Chuck was sitting in their living room and reading a book Lily brought him this morning: "The truth about Rape". Accordingly to the book after the attack every victim can be classified as one of three persons. It was obvious that the pattern "controlled" applied to Blair.

Thinking of her made his skin crawl. She had been released from the hospital just 3 hours ago and was already buried into her Laptop. She wanted to check her emails and assign the workflow to her co-workers. Chuck was okay with that – For now.

"Baby,…", Chuck looked at her anxious, "I need some sleep. Are you okay with that?"

"CHUCK! Sure! Everything is just fine!" , she stated sourly. He stood up and walked over to her. He was bending done to kiss her forehead when he suddenly realized what he was doing. Aside from holding hands in the hospital twice there hadn't been any physical contact between them. Detective Mulholland told him he shouldn't force her. It was so unfamiliar to him that he needed to focus on that objective really hard.

When she herself realized he was drawing back from kissing her forehead a sob escaped her: "It's because… because of him? Isn't it?"

"Blair…"

"It's because of what he did to me!"

"Blair, no…"

"I disgust you!"

"No, never, Blair…"

"Then why won't you even touch me? Why do you handle me as I am noxious?"

"Blair… I thought… I thought…"

"You hate me." "Nevermind", she continued, "I hate you too!"

"Blair…"

"No, its okay. I get it. You want someone beautiful, delicate and… untouched."

"Blair-Baby…"

"Yeah, yeah I know – Not like your father's sweaty old horses"

This was enough for Chuck. He interrupted her harshly: "STOP IT, NOW, Blair"

She was surprised by his change of mood.

"Blair… I thought… I thought… you didn't want me to touch you."

He closed the gap between them and pulled her in for a hug. He kissed her forehead charily. "I love you, Blair. Nothing will ever change that."

Silent tears were running down her cheeks. Not because of what had happened to her. Her sadness had taken the form of tears, because she couldn't reciprocate Chuck's "I-love-you". She did love Chuck. More than she was ever thinking a human being could love something. It just didn't felt appropriate to her now.

* * *

She appreciated an elevator ding. Somebody was entering their penthouse. Suddenly she was sitting stiff as poker in her armchair. Her neck hairs stood up. Her breathing became shorter.


	8. Chapter 8: Natie and the terry cloth

**CHAPTER 8 – Natie and the terry cloth**

"Anybody home?"

It was Nate. It took a load of her mind. Blair didn't know how to react. Chuck had vanished in their bedroom an hour ago. Had anybody told Nate about the attack? Should she behave as always? Would Nate hug her or even put a smooch on her cheek? Should she approach him? Unable to find a decision she remained in the settee, but parked the cup of tea on the coffee table.

He browsed around and finally spotted his former girlfriend in the middle of the living room. Her hands were folded over her knees. She was dressed in a sloppy grey shirt. Unusual.

"Hey Blair. I am looking for Chuck. We were appointed for lunch, and.."

She turned around and faced him. Nate wore are slim-fitting, navy polo shirt - Maybe Burberry, maybe Lacoste. She just didn't care.

Then he saw her face. He saw the bruises and the violet shade.

"Blair…", he stumbled, "What happened to you?"

She turned away defensively. He saw daylight.

"Oh my gosh… How could he? That Basstard! How could he do that to you? If you would have told me earlier… I am going to kill him! Where is he?"

Blair was neither moving nor responding, which he considered as confirmation of his apprehension. He was on a manhunt for Chuck. He found his best friend in the kitchen, consuming a glass of milk instead of the usual glass of scotch. Was Chuck drunken? Had he beaten Blair on purpose? Had it occurred previously? Nate grabbed him by the collar of the T-shirt and pressed him hard against the edge of the kitchen island. His body was nearly entirely over Chuck's.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! Wasn't she good enough for you? I am gonna kill you!"

Nate's face was furious. His hands wrapped tight around Chuck's neck.

"Nate – What the hell has gotten into you?", Chuck chocked. He was completely puzzled.

"Don't play the ignoramus!", Nate shouted disgruntled.

"Nate – Seriously, I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"You bashed Blair up!", Nate finally accused him.

"What? Who fucked that thought in your brain? Are you completely insane now?"

"But her face looks like...?"

"Nathanial… Nobody told you? I am sorry…"

Nate released Chuck and stepped back. Nescience and bafflement was written all over his face.

Chuck took a deep breath and stated: "Blair… Blair was… was… _raped_ on Monday."

* * *

Nate was long gone.

Chuck was lounging in their bed, reading the late edition of the Times. It was one of the occasions when reading words did not result in reading a coherent text. His brain recognized the letters, but they didn't add up. Blair had been in the shower for the better part of an hour. He was wondering how long the hot water would last and if Blair was okay. Did she need anything? Did she need help? He was tempted to take a quick peek; just to be sure she was all right. But he didn't. She had been under enough pressure today and Nate's visit was just the icing on the cake.

Finally she emerged the bathroom. She was wearing a long-sleeved grey shirt and a pair of terry cloth jogging pants. This wasn't her usual bedtime attire, which would have been actually nothing or at most a negligée. Or even better an alluring lingerie to drive him crazy. He slapped himself mentally. Twice. How could he? His girlfriend had just been raped two days ago and he was already thinking about exploring every inch of that woman's body again! He bottled the thoughts out of his mind, somewhere protected.

He patted the pillow next to him and smiled softly: "Come here, you need some sleep."

She just nodded, but he could see through her: The ominous Waldorf-gears had just started turning and working. Like in a well-rehearsed machine little cogwheels were rumbling. Something was simmering in her brain. Before he could ask, she slid into bed beside him. Out of habit he reached for her, intending to draw her into the curve of his arm. He stopped instantly when she caught her breath and stiffened.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to appall you…..", he started.

"No, no, I am sorry.", Blair replied quickly. "I just.. I.. I don't know." She was at a loss of words, still lying like a broomstick in bed and starring at the ceiling with such a concentration that Chuck knew she was trying not letting the tears prevail.

She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and took a deep breath. She needed to be strong. She was strong. After all she was a Waldorf! Why was it such a big deal to her, cuddling into Chuck's features as she always did? She needed to stop freaking out and starting to focus.

"Everything is fine", she simpered.

Chuck lay perfectly still, when she settled her fragile body against him. Then he slowly and very, very gentle wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Let me know if I scare you. I never ever want you to be afraid of me", he whispered into her brown curls, tasting the smell of her freshly washed hair.

A sigh escaped her lips and she mumbled into his neck: "Everything is fine. You holding me feels good."

She fell asleep on his shoulder nearly instantly, but Chuck lay awake for a long time, staring into the darkness.


	9. Chapter 9: Prophylaxis

A/N 1: Thank you my dear readers. Looking forward to reviews - As every author :)

A/N 2: For god's sake have you seen the EW-scan? OMFG! ;-)

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**CHAPTER 9 – Prophylaxis**

He woke to her absence, and lifted his head, listening. She wasn't in their bathroom either. Alarmed, he slid out of bed, snatched up his robe, pulling it on as he trotted down the stairs.

He finally found Blair in her atelier, sitting solitary in the colossal fauteuil, next to a window bank overviewing Central Park. Grand, silent tears were running down her cheeks. He took a quick look at the great wall clock they stole from a french café during their trip to Paris last spring. Half past 4. How long had she been lingering here?

Another of Blair's lachrymose hiccups brought him back to reality. He moved forward to take her into his arms, but he remembered how she had winced hours ago, when he tried to hug her. He caught himself at the last moment, kneeled in front of her fauteuil and caressed her bare feet. "Hey…"

She sniveled at his touch but tried to stop the tears. She wasn't successful.

"Hey sweetie, it's okay. Cry it all out. I am here." He continued to stroke her toes and as he mustered all the strength he even moved over her ankles up to her knees. He hoped he could calm her down with his touches. It seemed like him touching her had always a magical effect. But not this time, instead she began to cry even harder, gasping out a stream of words he could scarcely make out, much less understand. She looked completely frail to him right now.

"…how…why….choose…yours….his…"

It was when he thought she was going to break apart – She lost her body control and a small brown pharmacy bottle dropped from her left hand. The impact of the bottle when hitting ground was accompanied by a loud crash. Almost in slow motion the bottle rolled on the dark wooden floor towards the large window bank. The two lovers observed they glassy object like the gambler's eyes a stallion on the race track.

With a targeted gesture Chuck ended the ludicrous moment. He picked up the bottle and turned it around to read the label:

_Blair C. Waldorf, 09/30/2015, Cryselle, NYC Presbyterian_

It must be something they had given her in the hospital. He didn't recognize the name of the medication. "What are they?"

She had to say it thrice before he understood that the pills are an emergency contraceptive. She stared at him with tear-filled bambi eyes:

"It's my fertile period and we have been trying so hard. What if I am pregnant? What if I was already pregnant?" Her breathing was now coming in heavy sobs: "I mean… What if it's your baby… and these pills…"

A heavy sob overtook her body again. He couldn't bare it any longer. His inner being was in a complete turmoil. How had they blundered in such a preposterous situation? He wrapped his arms gently around her and cradled them both. He kissed her fore head charily.

"Would they work if…" He let the question trail away, not sure how to phrase it.

She tried to answer a couple of times, but she couldn't find her voice. At the fifth attempt she finally managed to say: „5 days".

„What if… „ He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, before he completed his question: „..it's not mine?"

She answered as if she wouldn't be involved in the situation at all: "That's why I haven't flushed them."

"Baby no… That's why you are sitting here all alone and crying the hell out of you. ", he finished for her.

"I don't know what to do.", she admitted with her head bent.

Even this situation was god-awful, a small smile escaped him. Blair Waldorf didn't know what to do – He never thought he would see that day!

„Darling, I don't know either. We are in a kind of a tricky situation." He cupped her face with his comely hands and continued: "I can only promise you, whatever you choose, you have my full support. I am behind you, I cherish you, I love you"

Incomprehension was written all over her face: "Whatever I decide…?"

„**Whatever**", he stated, as set in stone.

She took the bottle from his hand and shook it, rattling the pills inside. She remembered the phone call from Dr. Robertson and was back to neglect mode again: "I am probably not even pregnant. We shouldn't make a big deal out of it," she whispered. "We've been trying for nearly year now, and it's never happened. Why should it have happened now? Come on, let's go back to sleep"

He recognized avoidance when he saw it, but he didn't know how to deflect her. He moved the bottle to a safer spot on the kitchen counter and followed her upstairs.


	10. Chapter 10: Dragon boy Fiery

Kind of in a big fight with my loved one – so plenty of time to write. ;(

If there is some bad English in my story, please let me know by sending me a message or leaving a review. Thank you very much.

* * *

**CHAPTER 10 – Dragon boy Fiery**

Three days later Chuck noticed the small prescription bottle was missing from the kitchen counter. It wasn't in any of their bathrooms either. He asked Dorota about it, but she had no idea what he was talking about. The 5 days were up – and Chuck had no idea if Blair had made a decision. Had she taken the emergency contraceptive, or had she flushed them down the toilet?

In the last days the situation had improved partly. Blair was more relaxed when he reached out for her at night and her solitary crying session got fewer. Chuck tried to assist her as much as he could: He was careful around her and never came too close without a previous invitation. Nevertheless she kept her "Everything-is-fine-attitude" and guarded he personal space fiercely.

* * *

She was chased. It was a narrow side street, darkened by the surrounding buildings. Somebody was behind her; she could hear the approaching footsteps. She tried to open the rotting wooden door by turning the doorknob with all her strength. Unfortunately it wouldn't own the grace to let her in.

There it was again: _**HIS**_ face. The shaggy hair that hung down over his eyes. The thick black eyebrows. The pervasive gaze of his brown eyes. The small face covered with moles. The overlapping front teeth.

„LEAVE ME ALONE! NO!"

Chuck was pulled bolt upright from his sleep. "Blair baby, Whats wrong?" He tried to touch her softly on her forearm, but she slapped him in defense.

"GO AWAY!"

He tried to speak to her, slowly and clearly.

"Blair baby, it's me. Chuck."

"GO AWAY!"

"Blair... It's me. Chuck. Everything is fine."

She turned her head into his direction, was quiet for a moment. It seemed like she was trying to recognize him. She leaned over to him, settled her head on his lap and breathed heavily. He caressed through her hair, only touching her very gently and closed his arms around her, holding her tightly. He kissed her forehead and murmured soft reassurance.

"I am sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry, Blair. Everything is fine now."

"I had a nightmare."

"I know, Baby, I know."

They both remained silently in the intimate position for a couple of minutes. Suddenly a bright idea hit Chuck. He reached into his bedside locker and pulled out a hackneyed blue book.

"You wanna hear a story?"

"What is that?"

The title of the book said: _The sandman's voice – five minute bedtime stories._ It looked a little bit eighty-style. On the cover emblazoned a yellow-red cat, a blue rocking horse and a dog with a black ear bouncing through the clouds.

"This was the bedtime stories book my mother bought for me… Bart gave it to me on my 10th birthday. I have never read it…"

Blair tried to control her body, but she nearly tears up.

"When we decided on having kids... I thought I maybe would need it…"

She lost the last bit of self-restraint and let the tears find their way. He had been thinking about reading bedtime stories to their maybe child! And she hadn't even told him, that he would never father a child in his life! Instantly she was filled completely with shame and self-hate.

"Blair, it's okay. Come here…"he said as he patted on his tight. She cuddled again into Chucks embrace when he started to read. She enjoyed listening his dark, relishing voice.

"_Dragon boy Fiery has tried to fly – and crashed. Now he sits in front of the dragon's cave and looks after the planes and helicopters in the sky….._"


	11. Chapter 11: Just the Books

I know my last update was a long time ago. The reason is, I am trying a new writing technique and this needs time. I know too, that it is short. I promise, the next update will be much longer.

* * *

**CHAPTER 11 – Just the Books**

It was after sunset and she was carrying a tattered paper bag in her left hand, in the other, her golden Prada purse. Her feet were aching from walking through the shopping streets with Serena. She hasn't even bough a single piece of cloth. Just the books.

She heard the shower and her sweaty body was instantly yearning for a lavation. Her mind however, told her to not share the shower with somebody else. It insisted on having four safe walls around Blair, when being so exposed, so vulnerable. She put the bag down in their sleeping room, but couldn't resist catching a sight, if Chuck was okay in the shower. She put her shoes off and here bare feet left small wet stains on the dark wooden floor. If it would have been a carpet instead, the sweat patches wouldn't be observable. But Blair was disgusted by carpets: The invisible dust and dirt within the fabric were causing her hygienic nightmares. Blair turned the silver doorknob of the Wilhelminian style door. Whilst the silver instrument of opening was feeling cold in her hand, the door slowly allowed her to gain access to their bathroom. A flood of water soaked moist air hit her face.

The glass of the shower wall was not milky, it was transparent. She stopped instantly. She felt ashamed and disgusted at the same time. Chuck was leaning with his back against the shower wall. His eyes were closed; his thorax was sagging and lifting again fast; his chest hairs projected from the surface of his ribcage. An analyzer would have said, he looked like after running a marathon. His right hand clasped his penis tightly and moved quickly up and down.

She flinched. Why was she so ashamed of seeing Chuck rubbing himself of in the shower? Blair had never ever seen her boyfriend masturbating before and the thought of Chuck Bass having the urge to release himself was abhorrent to her.

Chuck was too absorbed into his activity to notice Blair closing the door after her. She turned around, her back facing the mauve painted wall. Blair took a heavy breath. The conditioned air filled her lungs. She felt guilt.


	12. Chapter 12: Celeste

**CHAPTER 12 – Celeste**

Whilst entering their master bedroom Chuck wrapped the white terry towel around his waist. His disheveled hair and the water drops running down his chest were quite obvious witnesses of his shower earlier. Blair was sitting on the king sized bed inspecting her nails. She looked frail and fragile.

He gave her a quick kiss on her cheek: "Hey sweetie."

She raised her head. There was something in her hazel brown eyes he was not quite sure of. It wasn't anger, it wasn't frustration, and nevertheless it also wasn't an emotion with a positive connotation.

He didn't saw it coming and he was completely taken by surprise when her lips melded with his own. Chuck responded enthusiastically immediately. His lips hadn't touched her in over a month and he missed being close to her. Chuck swooned lightly as Blair's dolce kiss released all the pent-up desire within him. He let his hand ran up her arm, down again, over her waist and leg. He broke the kiss shortly to bury his face in her hair to inhale her intoxicating scent. Chuck pulled her close again and moaned against her mouth.

Gradually he realized that her responses were not matching him smoothly, that she seemed stiff in his arms and that she ended their kisses sooner than usual. With all his willpower he forced his eager hands to stop and held her at the waist a little away from him: "Blair, are you okay?"

Blair gave him a reproachful look: "Sure, just keep on going."

His body and his hardened member wanted nothing more, but his love for her was strong enough to bear down is animalistic needs. "No, baby…" With all effort he moved completely away from her and looked worried: "Blair, Why are you doing this?"

Blair raised her head, and two big brown eyes were meeting his gaze – Yet they were lackluster: "I want you to.."

"Blair, this is not about me. Don't be ludicrous!", he interrupted her harshly. "You are not ready for this."

"I am."

His instincts urged him to believe her. But in spite of her attempt to lie, he could see her inner turmoil. Her gaze and her bearing told him, that something else was going on. "No Baby, you are not. What's going on?"

Her face crumpled and she began to cry. At least he knew his part in this - he pulled her carefully close and cradled her head against his shoulder.

"I saw you in the shower Chuck."

"Blair.. ", he whispered as he pulled back from her, "If I had known it would upset you, I would never ever have done something like that."

"No, no, Chuck it's not that… I am totally okay with that.. Normally.. It's just.. I read about a woman on the internet. Her name is Celeste and.." She was now sobbing breathlessly and she could hardly finish her sentence. "She was also attacked... Her.. her husband left her."

"Because...?"

"Because she couldn't... she couldn't sleep with him after. I thought if I could just.."

"Just what? Force yourself to do something that you're not ready for?" He moved himself away from her, just enough so that he could look into her eyes. "Blair, you don't need to do that. You've been through a terrible ordeal, and it takes time to get over something like that. I want what's best for you, and if that means waiting, then we wait. I wait. For as long as it takes. Okay?"

She sniffled, "But you are Chuck Bass.."

".. and Chuck Bass loves Blair Waldorf. No matter what. Got it?"

Finally, reluctantly, she nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Chuck was sitting on a black leather armchair. Maybe his decision was made by the feeling that his powers had come to an impasse. He didn't know anymore why he had chosen Mrs. Ellrick. He tried to recognize anything family in the room to feel a little bit more comfortable. Something like an object, a small memory or a smell. But his wits seemed hebetudinous. His noise refused to work properly and his eyes were only capable of reproducing pallid images of reality.

"Mr. Bass, please explain me why you are here."

Chuck propped his head on his hands and spoke distraughted: "I have a gorgeous girlfriend. Her name is Blair. Obviously other men also recognized her as a gorgeous woman. She was raped 6 weeks ago."

* * *

_Thanks again for the continuous support, TriGemini, Elli and LeftWriter._


	13. Chapter 13: Who?

**CHAPTER 13 – Who?**

Blair Waldorf was literally dashed to the ground. She had hit rock bottom again. On her bathroom floor she was on a desperate search operation for a bunch of tears, some self-pity or a bundle of anxiety feelings. However, not even the cold floor tiles supported her quest for lugubriousness – There was nothing left inside of her. All the dark thoughts and the depression feelings were compressed into one black entity somewhere deep inside her ribcage. She was too empty to feel devastated. The past four weeks had consumed all her oppressive moods. There was just no sense in being doleful anymore – It didn't matter at all, life would go on – with a plaintive Blair or without. A small smile escaped her. This was the attitude she had, when she was Queen of Constance: Never show a weakness, never let a feeling consume you, always retain control.

But it was different this time. She heaved her body up from the creamy marble floor. It was time to recover and regain her familiar strength.

She ditched the white plastic stick into the bin, took her blackberry from the faucet and called her curly-headed friend. It rang two times until he finally picked up.

"Hey Blair, how do I earn the pleasure?"

"Dan, Can we meet up?"

"Always, when do you have in mind?"

"Like now-ish?"

"Well, I have a meeting planned with my editor, but I assume I can postpone that?"

"Thank you Daniel – See you in 20 at King Coles Bar!"

* * *

Blair was wearing a bright green patterned ladies suit. She hadn't worn this costume since last spring and under normal circumstances she would never ever even consider thinking about wearing last seasons fashion. But there was a good reason, actually a couple of good reasons to wear it. The color was unimposing, it hadn't a plunging neckline at it was trousers-based suit. She couldn't recall when she last wore trousers, but right now she was not able to wear skirts or even dresses. She didn't felt safe when her lower genitals where not hidden safe by fabric.

Blair was sitting at the counter in the fancy midtown bar. She propped herself on her elbows. Slowly her limbs heat the cold surface of the stone slab. With a silver spoon she poked around in the leaves of the green tee, she had previously ordered from the bald-headed waiter.

The sudden touch of a male hand on her shoulder made her startle. However, as she recognized the associated voice to the hand she relaxed. It was Dan Humphrey. She felt secure and protected.

"Hey Blair".

"Dan – Thank you for coming on such short notice."

He smiled. She would never relinquish on the formal manners with him. He slid on the bar stool next to her and ordered a cup of japanese Genmaicha tea like his female accompanist had done earlier. Dan had the foreboding that this meeting wasn't one of their convenient meet-ups, discussing the latest developments of their life's. A perfervidly heat streak ran down his spine and he felt forced to strip out of his caramel cord jacket.

"Dan?"

"Yes Blair?"

"You have to understand, I am not in the mood nor have the energy to hedge around the subject." She hesitated for a short moment, but continued quickly with her intension to avoid smalltalk: "I am pregnant."

His eyes widened, his jaw hinged down: "Blair…" A thousand truncated thoughts were speeding through his mind. Pregnant! Blair! Who's? Gossip Girl! Chuck! The fertility test! OMG!

Blair's hazelnut eyes nearly drilled through him: "Dan, this is serious. I need your support."

"Does he know?"

"Chuck doesn't know. As well as nobody knows. I told you first, Humphrey! I need you to tell me what to do..". She folded her hands in her lap and her head hanged down, like from a scalawag who had played a trick on somebody.

Dan stood up abruptly, his stool nutated dangerously. He took her hands determined in his own one's: "Blair – There is only one option: Tell him. Everything."

* * *

It was Chuck's 2nd session with Mrs. Ellrick. The first one had ended with him storming out of her office disgruntled. The psychologist had requested him to describe what he know about the actual rape happening. He didn't even want to think about it. Not about the rape, not about the actual happening not even about the letters assembling this horrid word!

He was again taking a seat in the black leather armchair. He didn't know how she did that, but Mrs. Ellrick hadn't even asked any questions and he already had the urgent need to start explaining. Maybe that was part of her job description – Make people loquacious.

"I reconsidered the whole matter. Together with my old friend scotch and his mate whiskey I attempted to put all the pieces of information about the attack together to a self-made mind construction. Indeed it will be indelibled in my brain forever – But I have to acknowledge it may helps me to empathize with Blair easier."

Chuck was wiggling nervously with his right feet, waiting for a response to his avowal.

Mrs. Ellrick was smiling. Her client was moving forward rapidly. Most of her patients needed weeks, even months to reach this level. "Excellent, Mr. Bass.", she praised him.

"Mr. Bass, to continue our process, I need you to do a little homework. You know, unusual events need unusual measures. Think about a situation which would never ever be imaginable for you and Blair. For example a legless running a marathon or a faithless abide the Lenten season. Think about something equivalent for Blair and yourself."

When leaving Mrs. Ellricks office he wasn't anymore all into his therapy session – His thoughts were swanning around: Was there something unimaginable for him and Blair?

* * *

Blair was in her master bedroom, gazing into the life-sized designer mirror from Joop. She examined her naked upper body parts and pondered: Would others already be able to recognize that she was carrying another life under her heart?

She stroked her abdomen carefully in circles. Only one simple question was wandering her mind: "Tell me sweetie, who's your Daddy?"


	14. Chapter 14: Seventh Avenue Express

**CHAPTER 14 – Seventh Avenue Express**

Serena arrived at the Empire after 3pm. This involved that the last dining guest had already left and until the evening guest arrive there would be some breather for the for the kitchen personnel. She crossed the marble hall and aimed for the elevators. A hotel guest's admiring gaze and flirteous smile raised her self-esteem and she hoped that she would be able to transmit at least a small portion of her lost for life to her best friend. Blair's birthday was approaching and Serena wanted to cut the topic. Would Blair even want to celebrate her 25th birthday? Overall it was an important one, not to mention all of Blair's birthday were major, but under the current circumstances?

She pressed the Penthouse Button and passed the time inspecting her finger nails. She made a mental note to call her nail assistant Angelina to book an appointment anytime soon.

The blonde stepped out the elevator and as she couldn't spot Blair, she walked deeper into the living room. Chuck was kneeling in front of the wall; obviously he was starring intensely at a small object in his hands. Serena didn't reckon that Chuck would turn around. All the more she was surprised when he directly addressed her with his dark and tormented voice: "Yes Serena, I wanted to ask her."

At first she wasn't able to process his words. She observed him for a couple of seconds. The figure of him was perfect as always. His suit fitted him like a glove and the usually untamable hairs wear combed into a side a tiny detail was blurring the vision of the mighty Chuck Bass, like examine a Mona Lisa with eye brows. She recognized a small tear, already formed by his lacrimal, but still catched within his eyelid.

"Chuck..."

"It's okay, sis. I just want her to be happy again." He failed at completely hiding his inner turmoil, his corners of his mouth dropped a bit and he closes his eyes a couple of seconds longer than a usual wink.

Serena could literally see how Blair's rape gnawed on his powers, like little goblins nibble with their sharp tooth on a chunk of rotten meat. She didn't know how to interact with her step-brother; Sure, she knew how he was when he was drunken, how when he was depressed, after one of Blair's rejections, but not how to comfort him when he was completely filled with solicitudes about his loved one. She decided to opt for the easy way out: "Chuck.., Is B. somewhere? I wanted to do a little bit girls talk with her?"

He turned around and let his gaze slide out of the window over the roofs of the New York skyline. "She's upstairs."

* * *

"Blair?" Chuck scanned their bedroom for his girlfriend. His brain registered her response and processed the information – Her voice was emerging from the connecting room. Chuck entered the closet. It was 10x10 foot square shaped area with no windows. The lights were turned on all the way and tried to replace the lack of natural sunlight. The walls were cased with cabinets up to the ceiling. Any normal couple would have had enough space for their entire clothes. For Blair and Chuck there wasn't even enough capacity for their summer and spring fashion.

Chuck propped himself with his left elbow up on a shelf. He let his fingers ran through his hair while he reluctantly tried to start a conversation: "Blair.. you know, you and me.."

Blair was still busy with rummaging through her shoe drawers and wasn't looking up to him. Therefore she wasn't able to recognize the little gestures he made, which indicated to her that he was nervous.

"I thought maybe... ", he stumbled.

She finally found what she was looking for. Her black Louis Vuitton bootees and dragged them out the overcrowded drawer. "Ha, got you bitches!", she affronted the bootees triumphantly.

"...maybe we could...", Chuck choked.

Finally she realized Chuck's behavior was not the supreme business man's one she was used to.

Blair got up and approached her boyfriend slowly. Nearly inconspicuous wrinkles were forming on her forehead: "Chuck?"

He took a deep breath and tried to introduce his intentions with a subtle phrase: "You know, unusual events need unusual measures."

"Okay?", dishevelment was written all over her face. Her chocolate brown puppy eyes were questioning him impatiently.

"Well, I though, we should take a ride."

"A ride?" She was completely puzzled? What did he mean? A limo ride? Horse riding? Or, or could he even mean..?

"Yes, Blair a ride." He was so exhilarated about his suggestion that he was not clear to him, that he had forgotten a little detail - the form of the ride.

".. and that would be?"

Finally he saw daylight. "Ooh." He smacked himself on the forehead and explained: "A ride with the subway!"

"Chuck?", she questioned him. She didn't know if her boyfriend was in his right senses or if this was a joke to brighten her up. There was no other explanation left for his ludicrous proposal. Blair Waldorf would never ever ride a stinky, overcrowded subway car!

"Yes Blair, let's take a subway ride. As I said, unusual events need unusual measures. Give it a try!"

She wanted to automatically decline his request, but half way into her answer her mouth just stopped and remained half open. She had never ever taken the subway and she was a born and bred New Yorker! But betake herself underground near the sewers? Why on earth would she expose her noble Waldorf nose to the New York Subway odor?

Chuck was still waiting for an answer and questioned her with inquiring gaze.

Before she even realized what she was answering, she heard her own words: "Oh, for crying out loud, Bass! Let's go!"


	15. Chapter 15: Home, Sweet Home

**CHAPTER 15 – Home, Sweet Home  
**

* * *

"Chuck?"

"Yes"?

"Do you think we have to burn our clothes?"

Chuck laughed deeply. And to his surprise she joined him and giggled into his chest. It was balm for his soul to hear her laughing again. They had just re-entered the Empire penthouse and it seemed that their unusual subway ride had done something magical to Blair. She had laughed again. The first time in nearly two month. Chuck also had to admit that the subway ride was more fun than he thought. At first they were completely helpless. Too many routes, too many lines to choose from. But after three or four switches they had the knack. One thing they couldn't figure out was the so called "conductor language" (They were mostly eavesdropping at other passengers!). Yes, they both had been living there whole life in New York, but nevertheless it was impossible for them to understand the announcement in the rail cars.

As like Blair also Chuck had never ever taken the subway before. There had simply been no need for it. Since he could remember there had always been his Limo and the loyal driver Arthur. He wondered if he had maybe taken the subway as a baby together with his father. His thoughts wandered quickly to his father, but nearly as fast he decided to ban this thought into a secret box in his brain.

Blair and Chuck stood in the entrance area opposite of each other, holding hands and watching each other closely. In the last weeks the frequency of Blair's nightmares had decreased and in exchange her self-confidence increased. It was easier again for Chuck to just touch her casually: Hold her hand, wrap an arm around her, and kiss her on the cheek. It seemed like her wounds were starting to heal. Chuck observed the small wrinkles around his girlfriend's mouth, when he slowly realized, that her facial expression turned serious again.

Dan's words hallowed through Blair's head: "Blair – There is only one option: Tell him. Everything." She needed to tell him, but the "Everything" was negotiable for now. Without any further considerations, just straight out of the blue she just blurted it out:

"I am pregnant."

She was batting her big hazel eyes and was in search for some acknowledgement or even comfort.

It shouldn't have hit him, like it had. After all he knew that there was the possibility that she was pregnant. Actually they wanted her to be pregnant for a year now! But at the back of his mind was the conversation they had the night shortly after the attack: Could.. the father… be.. not him? He didn't even realize that their hands disconnected.

"So you have to tell me." She barreled on without waiting for his reaction. "What choice could you live with?"

He knew what she was talking about: Abortion. Abort the baby that was already growing inside her tummy. Abortion sounded so basic and harmless. But it wasn't. Blair would need to go to a doctor's office. Take a seat in a gynecological chair and endure the procedure. The doctor will first use some dilators to open up her cervix and then insert a cannula into the uterus and attach it via tubing to a pump. The pump then will create a vacuum which will empty the contents of her uterine. The contents! The baby! Their baby! It would just be sucked out of her tummy like a coke out of a can via a straw.

But it was Blair's body. Her body would change. It might be the baby of her rapist and she would have to let it grow inside her.

Still, it maybe could be his, couldn't it?

"I can live with any..."

Suddenly furious, she smacked him, hard. He reached for her, his expression contrite, but she pushed him away and starred into his eyes feistily.

"I need to know. Tell me what you think.", Blair demanded.

"Okay! Okay." , he tried to pacify her, whilst he raised his hands in defense. Chuck closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain his composure.

"Blair,.. I love you.. You know that. We have been trying so hard lately. You actually just slept with.. I mean it just happened once.. So by the sheer probability it must be mine, right? And still if not? It is part of you. How could we kill a part of you? I love you and every part of you!"

He wanted that she felt safe, therefore he hugged her firmly. His strong arms were enclosing her into his embrace. She continued crying and wiped her tears into his shirt.


	16. Chapter 16: Telling People

**CHAPTER 16 – Telling People  
**

* * *

"So, when are we going to tell people?", Chuck asked his girlfriend. They were still in bed on that sunday in late autumn. The leaves had already fallen and the decided to enjoy their freetime for today with just each other at home.

Blair turned around, lying on her stomach, smiling and Chuck. Her brown curls falling down her shoulders. She was happy again. All what happened was history. Will stay history forever. They loved each other and there was a baby on the way. Everything else and the circumstance weren't important anymore.

"Whenever you want!", she repied full of joy. A big smile was decorating her face.

"Well then, let's start with Blondie and Prince Charming? They are the easiest."

Blair just nodded in anticipation. They were really the easiest. No prejudices, no aggravating question. Just two friendly couples having dinner and beeing happy for each other. And as Blair could remeber from their last girly chitchat, it might also help Serena to pursuade her boyfriend from the benefits of starting a family.

"So dinner then? I'll let Dorota know."

"Yes, my dear. Dinner then." Chuck kissed Blair on the lips. Not passionate, not dirty, not deep, but in a loving and caring way. Since Blair disclosed her pregnancy to him, she was much more relaxed. The attack seemed centuries ago for them and he knew the both just wanted to focus on the new life growing inside Blair.

* * *

"You should have seen his face!", Serena giggled exictedly. Serena was telling the dinner guests her latest anecdote from work. She had never finished college. After years of switching between part-time jobs and internships, she had decided to try acting. And it worked. She had finally found something she not only was good at, she also had found something she really enjoyed.

"Well, I suppose every ordinary guy does not particular fancy watching his girlfriend commiting suicide whilst having sex with a stranger!"

"It wasn't a stranger!", Serena interrupted.

"Oh - to me it was!", Nate throwed in.

"Nate!"

"Serena?"

Blair and Chuck loved to watch the little banter inbetween their two best friends. It was good to have them over again. Just the four of them. The NJBC like in old times.

"Sis, Nathaniel", Chuck gazed both his friends intensely, "as much as we love your little banter, there is a reason we might have invited you over for dinner, which we haven't disclosed to you two. We have some news". Chuck carresed Blair's right tight gently to keep her calm. She knew what was coming and she was afraid of their friends reaction.

Their two friends where both blondes, but it seemed like only Nate could fullfil the cliché of beeing naive and clueless and obvious news. Serena already moved nervously on her chair. She knew from her own wishes, that a 25 year old woman in a longterm relationship with an already successfull career, could only desire for two things: Marriage or pregnancy. This news must be about either of that!

Chuck had a quick last side glance at Blair to see if she was ready to tell their friends. She nodded approvingly. He took a last deep breath: "We are having a baby."

One half of Serena wanted to straight jump up hug, kiss and squeeze Blair as hard as she could. The other half of her was terrified. Blair's attack was only 10 weeks ago. Blair could have been impregnated by her rapist!

Nate was having similar thoughts. He watched Chuck closely for a second, and only saw one expression from is best friend: Full support for Blair. He got up, streched out his arm to Chuck and simply said: "Congratulations, man! That sounds good to me!"

Serena was kicked back to reality by her boyfriends congratulations and also got up. She hugged Blair wildly and the both girls jumped up and down with their hands connected. "So you are going to be first, B.! How are you feeling?"

"Great", Blair just smiled back at Serena. "I am having nothing like morning sickness, just feeling a little bit tired earlier. And Chuck is just great."

"Blair, Nathanial and I am going to grab a drink from the office. I need to show him some details about the McMillan deal from last week. Are you okay with beeing left behind with Blondie?" Two years ago Chuck and Nate had decided to try working together on their business deals. Because what is better than a Bass or an Archibald? Right, a Bass and an Archibald together. Nate's contacts and negotiating skills matched up perfectly with Chuck's ideas and his nose for good deals.

"Ouch!" Serena had pinched him friendly in his upper arm. "That will hurt forever, sis!"  
"Yes, darling, that's alright. I wanted to show Serena some ideas for a baby clothing line anyway."

* * *

Nate and Chuck had finished talking about their latest business deal and were leaning both on the wooden bar, nipping at their scotch glasses.

"So.. Chuck.. About the baby..."  
"What about it?", Chuck asked suprised He moved his focus from the scotch to Nate.  
"Are.. Are.. you sure it's yours? I mean the attack.. and.."  
"No, we don't know."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Yeah, we don't know."  
"What the fuck? How can you not know?"  
"Well, as you know Blair and I are trying to have a baby since a year."  
"Chuck.. I know, but isn't it killing you it couldn't be yours?"  
"It's mine. It is going to be our child. Besides Blair is really happy about this. And that is what counts to me."  
"But Chuck, raising another men's.."  
"No, Nate," Chuck interrupted him harshly, "No But's. It's our baby. That's all. And actually even if I wouldn't be its biological father, that wouldn't have been the first time I decided for raising another men's baby."


	17. Chapter 17: Victrola's Rooftop

**CHAPTER 17 – Victrola's Rooftop  
**

* * *

_**Gossip Girl**__: Whoa. Whoa. One of your very own UESers infertile? Guess who? None the less than the great womanizer and playboy Chuck Bass. Oh no, C not soo charged as we thought?. Rumour has it that our beloved Queen B found it out even herself and was sharing her secret with dear lonely boy. Hope you're ready for some drama. I say bring it on!_

* * *

It was shortly before Chuck wanted to leave the office and he just needed to talk with Emma about the upcoming meetings, as he felt his phone vibrating. Before the attack he would have finished whatever he was doing, because the source of texts mostly where from Gossip Girl or something nasty from Blair. If Blair really had an urgent matter, she would have called. But after the attack he was curious and overprotective. If something had happened again or Blair needed anything, he would want to know immediately. He just excused himself for a moment, but before he could read the text, another one already had come in. The second one was a simple "Are you okay?" from Nate. He was still wondering about what he should be okay, or not okay, whilst the Gossip Girl Blast was sinking in.

The first time in his life he not only knew how to feel, what to think, what to do or whom to ask for help. It was all of them together. Should he even believe that gossiping and life destroying bitch? She had already done enough damage in the last couple of years. The only way to find out is to ask Blair herself.

* * *

When Chuck entered their appartment through the elevator, he was already greated by Blair. She had been crying. Propably she had even changed into the green crease-resistant dress she was wearing now. Blair always had to plan everything out. Even for letting her emotions out she needed the right outfit.

Without a word leaving his lips he walked past her, right to the colossal fauteuil next to the big window bank overviewing Central Park. He could remember that night, where he woke up, no Blair next to him. He had searched her and found her in that very spot crying heavy tears. They had disussed their options. They had talked about the possibilty that she might be pregnant. Blair had told him about the emergency contraceptive. She had already known it could never ever be his baby, if there would be any baby. She had damn fucking known.

He kept staring out the window. Admired the play of the darkness with the lights of the city.

"Chuck..."

"So it's true, isn't it?"

She said nothing. There was no way into denial.

It seemed like the day was a day of the "first's". Not only was this the first day where he felt completly betrayed, alone and helpless, it was also the first day in his life, where he just wanted to be as far as possible away from Blair Waldorf. His heart clenched tigher as longer the silence lasted, until he couldn't bear it anymore. He left.

* * *

Chuck found himself on the rooftop of 25th Street, the place where it all had begun. Victorola. The place where not only saw the true Blair for the firsttime, also the place where when he tried to kill himself, he saw Blair caring for him the first time.

The night had been perfect. Like their lives should have been. Like their future should have been. A mixture of peaceful calmness and incredible tranquility distinguished this night. The moon illuminated the ghostly rooftop and the brumal frost glittered on the surrounding buildings. Such a dead silence in the middle of New York seemed almost eerie and intangible to him. He could hear neither a leaf rustled in the wind, a human cry shrieked nor an animal whimper. Wouldn't there be so many dark and wooly thoughts on his mind, the fascinating beauty would have been breathtaking. He was wandering lost in thought to the rooftops balustrade. His own footsteps seemed almost like an elephant's stamping – Only his breath, emerging with white fuzz in the air, attested the reality of the moment.

He was thinking. A lot. And he came to a decision.


End file.
